blog

A Folly for London

*with Ciaran Garrick

toshlondon

The Burr Brothers & Co. Shot Tower makes a triumphant return to the skyline of London in a retail extravaganza of luxurious boutiques, sparkling jewel emporiums and tweed superstores. Our selection of restaurants and cafes [1] will entice you with organic gastronomic wonders and craft beers that will lighten the pocket almost as quickly as the belt is tightened [2].

The astounding retail experience is maximised by the complete lack of views over London city. Our customers can focus on real pleasures, without distraction from the outside world.

Trees lost in the construction of the project will be more than compensated by the world’s first carbon free green [3] helipad rooftop helipad, awaiting your arrival. Be whisked across the Thames from toshlondon to the north bank of the Thames.

The project will cost £100 million, with £60 million of public funding, and £40 million funded by a hasty ‘whip round’ in the House of Lords canteen.

Constructed from cast in-situ recycled concrete [4], the shot tower will be erected in record time. Valuable time will be saved by opening the building to customers whilst the bricks are still being painted on.

 

1. Customers may expect waiting times of 2-3 hours to all restaurants.

2. £1000 minimum spend at each checkpoint or customers will be asked to leave via the cannonball atrium. Proof of salary required at entry.

3. Carbon free credentials not yet proven. Grass surface on green helipad not expected to grow from August to May.

4. Percentage of recycled concrete 0.001%.

Anna Gibb